Dangle Your Button, and I will ASK

Facebook ASKASK? You want me to ASK? You know that when you post your profile on Facebook, you don’t HAVE to display any of your details. If you don’t want anyone to know that you went to Antelope Valley College (actual college), don’t display it. You don’t want anyone to know that you grew up in Coxsackie, New York or Dildo, Newfoundland that you work at Monsanto? Don’t display it. However, if you choose to make your profile categories visible but instead of sharing actual details, your status says ASK, well then you’re just plain fishing.

You taunt me with your button. You dangle your status in front of my face and say, “I double dog dare you. Go ahead. Make my day. You know you want it. ASK.”

I should, you know. I should push that button of yours. You’re not just daring me, you realize. You’re commanding me with the imperative form of the verb. And, as your FRIEND on Facebook, I feel obligated to comply.

Facebook makes it easy. ASK is a button that generates a request so that I can, in fact, ASK you to tell me what you’re clearly busting to share. So I ASK you, if I ASK, will you be prepared to answer? Because sometimes I find new and creative ways to fritter all my time away, and you all have given me the perfect out to my daily routine. I wonder how long it would take to ASK all of my Facebook friends about ALL of the categories about which they have commanded me to ASK.

And let me tell you what. If I go to the trouble of doing your bidding and sending you a request inquiring after your college or your job or your relationship status, and your reply provides me nothing more than what you would have stated on your profile, I’m going to be mighty disappointed. I have expectations. If ASK is the new “It’s complicated,” then I want details!

Before I go about my business and ASK all the ASKs, I ASK you to consider your ASKs. Why are they there? If you have something to hide, don’t you think you should just tuck the entire status away? Out of sight, out of mind. But apparently you do mind. So watch out! I’m about to do some ASKing.

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