Dream Friends Save Jews

Sometimes, text message exchanges make me laugh out loud. On fewer occasions, these exchanges make me laugh after I’ve read them a second time. And even more rarely, I feel that they are worth sharing with other people. Such was the case when my friend Vikki sent me a text that launched the attached exchange the other day. It is a silly exchange that makes me laugh still, and when I read it to Gabriella, she laughed, too. It’s possible she was just being polite or laughing because I was laughing while reading, but she laughed nonetheless deeming it shareable.

Here are some things to know before you read said exchange:

  • Vikki and I are Blog Wives like you and your colleague at work might be Work Wives/Husbands or your friend who is your Emergency Contact on all your school forms is your Life Wife. We met through blogging and have spent about 89% of our time together at blogging conferences, 96% if you count the time we spend together before or after said conferences. Trouble is that our attendance at conferences, mine mostly, has tailed off in recent years, and our blog writing, mine mostly, is less frequent, and so we are not so much Blog Wives anymore but just plain ol’ friends. While our friendship is solid and good, nay wonderful, we often mourn the olden days when we hung out at conferences, laughing until we cried, eating until we were ill, and wishing life were one big blog conference.
  • There was one time, before a blog conference, when Vikki stayed at my house and endeared herself to my children – primarily by making balloon animals for them. She is very good at making balloon animals.
  • Vikki’s last name is Reich. It’s a problematic name, even more so for a Goldstein. It’s a name that prevents her from commenting on some sites because the robot-censors read it as something bad, because…Nazis. Vikki pronounces it “Rich,” which is nice, but don’t you think she should change it legally? Yeah, me, too.
  • We never use each other’s names in texts. We never say, “I’ve discovered puffy vests, and they are a game-changer, Vikki.” It sounds weird, and we have to call each other out for unnecessarily using names in text messages. Now, when we use each other’s names, it’s on purpose, like we’re using ALL CAPS or we’re being goofy.
  • I use multiple punctuation marks consecutively!!! Vikki does not. I have never asked, “Why don’t you use many punctuation marks consecutively, Vikki?!?” Perhaps we will discuss after I publish this post.

Vikki

Last night in my dream, we were at a conference, and you ditched me, and when I went to find you, you were watching documentaries and smoking pot in your room with someone I know here in Minneapolis, and I felt so left out. Thanks a lot Dream Deborah!

Deborah

I didn’t ditch you! I was hiding from all the Trump supporters who want to kill all the Jews. Your friend in Minneapolis was hiding me in a safe space and helping me to relax. Where were you in my time of need, Dream Vikki?

Vikki

I came to find you, Deborah! You didn’t invite me in!

Deborah

Was that you knocking? All I heard was “….Reich…” and I hid under the bed.

Vikki

I know. Even I hate my name right now. It’s bad : (

Deborah

Except that I imagined you replying with, “You pronounce it RICH, Deborah. You should have opened the door!” I should have. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in.

Vikki

You were probably right to keep me out.

Deborah

I was foolish. You could’ve been my Gentile beard!

Vikki

I could have, but I probably used my resources and connections to flee to another conference…maybe in Sweden.

Deborah

But you’d take my children with you and tell them about me…in Swedish.

Vikki

Of course. I’d act out your life story using balloon animals.

Deborah

Perfect!!!

Vikki

“This pink poodle represents your mother…”

Deborah

I can’t think of a better representation.

Vikki

“This wolf is me, but I’m a good wolf. Wolf, not Rolf.”

Deborah

Hahahaha

We both agreed that this would have made a good blog post back in the day when we both blogged all the time and when we didn’t feel like the world was caving in around us. Yet, what better time to share a bit of fun? I’d rather be laughing with my friends than crying because of my foes. So, this post is dedicated to my Blog Wife and Bestie, Vikki, who keeps me laughing during the bleakest times. I promise to always open the door for you, Vikki!!!

2 thoughts on “Dream Friends Save Jews

    1. These are dark days, to be sure. You must surround yourself with love and humor in order to keep the ugly out of your dreams. And keep your passport handy to escape the ugly surrounding us during the day.

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