I needed a sign

I realize my foot has been off the blogging pedal. The warm weather has kept us all outdoors and my brain slightly fried. Even more significant is the new schedule Gabriella and I have adopted in order for her to optimize job searching time. I haven’t been very good at focusing on the blog in the new times allotted.

Here is what I’ve learned about myself. I get super irritable and crotchety when I haven’t written in a while. Writing has to be a regular activity for me-like a bodily function, and I feel like I haven’t been eating enough literary roughage. I’m inspired by the world around me constantly, and yet I’m all stopped up. I put undue pressure on myself to write funny or thought-provoking entries when, in fact, I’m sure a sweet photo of the boys or an occasional entry about our last weekend at the beach or the book I just finished might be just as interesting to you. I need to slap something up here to clean out the blog-pipes. I need some divine inspiration. Someone show me a sign!!

I dedicate this entry to my dear lady-friend Gabriella who puts up with me when I’m crotchety and pulls an illegal U-ie over 4 lanes so that I can take a photo with my mobile phone because I found exactly the sign that I needed.

I do believe conversion is in order – at least for one day a year:

I Googled VAG Church Picnic just on the off-chance that I might find some information about this event. What I found was a fabulous letter published in the Texas National Press. The what?

The Texas National Press is a private partnership business established under the venue and jurisdiction of the Republic of Texas. It is dedicated to bringing to Texans the goals and progress of the Texas Independence Movement and bringing forth the official voice of the Interim Government of the Republic of Texas. While that is our primary goal, we will also publish articles, news, and exposès that are of interest to all Texians.

The letter, written in 2004, condemned the actions of once Texas Comptroller, Carol Keeton Strayhorn for denying tax exemption status to a Unitarian church. Regardless of the fact that Presidents John Adams and John Quincy Adams were members of the Unitarian Church, she could not find credence in a church that does not believe in a supreme being or in any one set of beliefs.

The author, L. Savage, illustrated the flaws in Strayhorn’s requirements for tax exemption by offering to found a new church that would meet all of her tax exemption criteria, The Church of the Vagina.

I’m thinking of starting a church that worships the vagina, similar to the ancient phallus worship.

Texas allows a tax-free exemption to churches. Would my new church be exempt from taxes? Our creed will be “I love Vagina” and our supreme creator and being is the Vagina. Oh holy Vagina, we seek thy wisdom.. Your holy Yoni wisdom.

Under the Strayhorn ‘theology’ my new church is exempt! I have a supreme being.. I passed the test! I have a creed – another stipulation from the Office of the Comptroller. We will dress up in our Vagina T-shirts and Yoni hats and parade on Sixth Street on Halloween as we ‘spread our message’ of love and vagina. The vagina is our creator. My god deserves all the attention and honor I can bestow up on it.

Yes under the Strayhorn definition, I get to be tax exempt!

Pantheism qualifies under the Strayhorn requirements, so perhaps my new religion should have two gods. The Church of Yoni and Lingam will worship both the penis and the vagina.

Now let’s get it on Strayhorn!

As a father and a grandfather, I hate to see this woman running for Governor of Texas. Her policies and opinions smack of religious intolerance and bigotry. Our future generations do not need to read about these embarrassments to Texas in the history books.

I ain’t the smartest turnip on the truck, but this seems as transparent as crotchless panties. (a symbol of our new church)

As a father and a grandfather, it is regretful that such ignorance, intolerance, bigotry exists in Texas. Our children should not see a money-wasting, grandstanding politician running for Governor of Texas!

Paraphrasing the great Texas Senator Lloyd Benson…

‘Strayhorn— you’re no Ann Richards’

With Vagina’s help, you will never be governor.

The entirety of L. Savage’s letter can be read HERE.

If you’re out there, L. Savage, I’d like to support you in your efforts. I share your love of the great and all-powerful vagina, and it would be my honour to help others worship the vagina outwardly and proudly. I’d be more than happy to sell the Vagina T-shirts and the Yoni caps here on the site to raise money for the cause. Thank you for helping me find religion. Who knew it was up my vagina all along?

Sometimes, it pays to start writing about nothing. I’m a cat bounding out of a litter box after a successful session, and it feels goooooood.

8 thoughts on “I needed a sign

  1. It always comes back to the vagina, doesn’t it?

    I feel ya on the blog constipation. These are tough writing times for me too. But, when you manage to work vaginas AND cat poop into a post, I think you are on the road to recovery.

  2. I have to agree with Vikki! How can you say you have writers block and then go off on the vagina so eloquently?

    Here is my writers block. I am 42, recently divorced and still kind of in the closet. Talk about major blockage.

  3. my but you make me laugh, miss angela! morning constitutional. i’m going to have to use that in every day conversation from now on.

    and yes, much better, thank you.

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