Tea time

I’m a tea addict. I love a hot cup of tea even on a hot day. Perhaps you are imagining me sitting in front of my computer stopping occasionally to enjoy the pleasures of a hot cup of tea. While it’s unlikely that when you read this entry, I’ll actually be typing up another one whilst drinking tea, it is true that I’m working on a cup right now. ….. Just took a sip. Delightful.

My love of tea transcends the simple pleasures of taste. There is something so comforting about holding my hot tea cup on a cold day. Something satisfying about proof reading the latest blog entry while letting my tea steep allowing the flavours to mature and the tea to cool to the perfect temperature. The act of tea drinking provides me with something to do with my hands and something that keeps me from inhaling all the treats we’ve hidden away for the boys. Knowing that there is a Costco size bag of chocolate kisses in my pantry is far too tempting. So I drink cup after cup after cup of tea.

The downside of drinking cup after cup of tea is that I often have to run to the loo. The downside of drinking cup after cup of tea after having birthed 2 children is that I’d better be really close to a loo or there’s going to be trouble. That’s trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for, well, P! Let’s review the image you have. I am, indeed, sitting in front of my computer. My hot cup of tea is to my immediate left. And the lav is literally 4 steps away. I just got up and counted, so I know it’s true. After my count, I took advantage of my new destination and used the facilities.

It is not true, however, that I am writing dressed only in my lacy black bra and g-string panties, so you can just wipe that image out of your head this very instant. Screw it, imagine what you like. If you must imagine me in my lacy black bra and g-string panties, please imagine a flat stomach and toned thighs. Wherever else you take this image is your business and I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. Thank you very much indeed.

I used to be able to go the distance. I never had to worry about how far from the nearest restroom I was or how long it would take to unfasten the buttons on my trousers. Those days are over. I can no longer sneeze without first crossing my legs-just in case. Sadly, I had to learn the ol’ cross & sneeze from experience. The most humiliating experience occurred the day Asher asked me to show him how to jump rope, and I obliged. Suffice it to say, I won’t be doing that again.

Now you know. Birth has rendered me incontinent. If we ever cross paths and I seem distracted or distant. If you ever catch me mid-contortion breathing in and out furiously, know that I am trying to prevent what Kegel exercises could not. To be fair, I never really did the suggested number of Kegels a day to prevent incontinence. But don’t be all high and mighty and all “I don’t need to be doing those funky exercises!” Did you know that 5.2 billion dollars are spent on adult diapers each year? It’s true that John McCain alone is resposible for a significant percentage of that total. It is also a fact that doing your Kegels also heightens sexual satisfaction. Of course, it helps if you’re actually having sex. That’s the stuff of another entry…so to speak.

See how many sets of 10 Kegel contractions at 10 seconds a squeeze you can accomplish whilst rereading this incredibly informative and entertaining blog. Still have more to do? Go read another one of my incredibly informative and entertaining blogs. It’s important to work your body and your mind. It’s also important to enjoy a little bit of down time. Time for a spot of tea.

6 thoughts on “Tea time

  1. Okay, I didn’t blow out my peeing muscles giving birth, but after reading your blog I can relate to having to fear wetting the pants. Don’t let Tina Fey get a hold of this sh*t–that b*tch will steal your material.

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