The Backside of Theatah at Kinky Boots

We have not been to as many plays or musicals as we have in years past, and I have definitely felt the void in my gay, Jewish heart.  Taking Broadway out of the likes of me is like taking eucalyptus away from a koala bear.   And in case you didn’t know, koalas are mean.  They are the alligators of the trees

I didn’t realize how koala cranky I had become until I sat down in my seat to see Kinky Boots the other week.  As soon got to my seat with my purple, going-out-bag in my lap and my program perched against my bag, I felt like I was home.  Mostly because the lighting is really bad in my house, and I had arrived after the lights went down.  Also I love the theatah!

I don’t know nuthin bout writin’ no reviews, but I can tell you what I liked n stuff.  Billy Porterplays drag queen Lola, and he is phenomenal. 

He’s got this smoking voice – and by smoking I mean that he sounds like he’s been smoking a pack a day for 30 years.  And when I say it sounds like he’s been smoking a pack a day for 30 years, I don’t mean he sounds like that unfortunate woman on the commercial who has a blow hole in her neck from the smoking.  I mean he’s got this smoky voice that’s on the menthol side of raspy.  His sound is deep but airy like if his voice were a chocolate bar it would be an Aero



And if the show were chocolate it would be Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bar cause it’s based on a British film by the same name, and it’s filled with fruits and nuts…much like this blog – Peaches & Coconuts though coconuts are technically not nuts.  They are drupes.  I do my research, People.

Man I love Fruit and Nut bars.  When my neighbor, Mark, goes to London, he always brings me back a gine-ormous Fruit and Nut bar that I inhale before Gabriella can say Fruit and Nut bar.  I can’t be held responsible.  A Fruit and Nut bar for me is like, well, eucalyptus for a koala bear.  My neighbor is my dealer.  My enabler.  He’s my eneighblor. 
Ok so Kinky Boots.  Super fun, sweet story, uber talented cast, timeless message about love and acceptance and fantastic score!  See it people. 

Did I mention the backside?  You know, the behind the scenes magic that makes it realz?  My favorite stage manager Lois is at it again working the cues and making shit happen.  She’s married to my other favorite stage manager, but I haven’t been to her backside, yet.


Behind the scenes at Kinky Boots, you’ve got your sets and your costumes and your wigs and your hard working crew cleaning and sewing and creating and what not.  


But the winner of today’s post is Jason and his Romanoff Vodka.  Jason uses the vodka to clean and sterilize the drag queen knickers, the ball binders, the cock blockers, the scrote stuffers!  That’s right, a spritz of vodka to the gonad gusset, and the sweat evaporates with the alcohol leaving not a hint of the terrarium of sack sweat that collected throughout the show.  Amazing.  Move over Febreze!  There’s a new kid in town, and that new kid is none other than fermented potato juice.  Let’s drink a toast to dick-taters, Jason.  Why don’t you get your nozzle out of those clammy crotches and pour us a few?


I’m also going to drink a toast to the fantabulous Lois who knows how to treat a girl and a girl’s girl and their friends and all lovers of theatah!  Thanks for the tour, Lois!


Lois says, “Go buy your tickets!”

And then she chillaxes in her pimped out orifice.

11 thoughts on “The Backside of Theatah at Kinky Boots

  1. Fabulous. Nothing beats a night out at the theater, dahlink. Unless it’s watching Wanda Sykes perform LIVE, which I did last night.

    And who KNEW about the vodka? Not I, dear sister. I’m not hanging out with enough drag queens apparently.

    1. OOOOOH! How was Wanda’s show?!? I’m sure she was hilarious.

      I’m a RuPaul’s Drag Race junkie. No T, no shade, but if you’re not watching Ru, your life is but a shadow of what could be. Can I get an ‘Amen’ up in hyeah? But throughout the 5 seasons, there was never any talk of vodka spritzing. Sometimes, you just have to get up off your tush, and see a show. Hallelu.

  2. i simply had to comment.
    we had tickets for kinky boots in march..in previews!!
    our son had gotten them as a gift for us. we were beyond excited.
    but i got sick the week before. and as our exciting day approached i became..well just sicker and sicker.
    that saturday morning – when we were supposed to be having mimosas and hopping on a train destined for our matinee… we went to the ER instead.
    i was so very sick i could barely walk, and speaking just made me sicker. however – i made it VERY clear to the ER staff that i was SUPPOSED TO BE AT KINKY BOOTS….IN PREVIEWS!!
    ah. lifes little twists.
    (we bought replacement tickets for later this summer. yay)

    1. ARE YOU BETTER?? That sounds awful and frightening and definitely unfun!

      You’ll have to report back after you’ve seen it…and do let us know that you’re ok.

    2. oh right…i am fine! I had a freaky virus that tried to kill me…but I won and MISSED kinky boots.
      I will let you know how we liked it – but i can already tell you – my wife will LOVE this.
      she is still singing songs from La Cage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *