The Tooth Fairy Eats What?

Levi lost his fifth tooth, his lateral incisor. That, in itself, is relatively insignificant considering current events across the world. I bring it up because in preparing for the inevitable loss, Levi had plenty of time to consider the note that he would leave for the tooth fairy, which would willingly transport me beyond current events across the world if only for a brief time.

As the roots of his baby tooth dissolved a little bit more each day, he thought of questions that he would pose in the card that would accompany his tooth. And with every passing day, I considered how the tooth fairy might answer.

I give you Levi’s card to the tooth fairy.

Card to tooth fairy

In exchange for his card and tooth, the tooth fairy left a letter and a dollar.

 

Dear Levi,

Thank you so much for your beautiful card! Your rainbow made me smile, and your pictures of me visiting you were very imaginative. You asked many thoughtful questions. I will try to answer them as best I can.

Why don’t you show anyone yourself?

I am a special kind of fairy that is not visible to the human eye. Maybe one day someone will invent lenses that enable people to see me.

What’s your name?

We speak a language that only fairies understand. Human mouths cannot make the shapes or sounds required to pronounce my name, which is why the world simply calls me “Tooth Fairy.” Whether you can say my name or not, I love you just as much.

What do you eat?

I eat all sorts of things, but most of my food is made from children’s teeth. I cook the teeth until they are soft so I can mix them in delicious soup made with seasonal ingredients such as flower nectar, dandelion roots and wild berries. The teeth provide me with the calcium, minerals and vitamins I need to stay strong and fly all over the world. The stronger your teeth are, the more nutritious my food is. I can tell from your teeth that you like to eat oatmeal, chicken, broccoli and watermelon. It is wonderful that you eat so many healthy foods. The better your diet, the stronger you and your teeth will be! I thank you, Levi!!

Are tooth fairies magic?

I love all the children who leave teeth for me, and I can tell they love me, too. Love is magic!

Do you have a family?

Yes, I live with a community of fairies, and we love each other very much and help each other with all sorts of jobs. There are many kinds of fairies, but we all do our best to keep Earth healthy.

Where do you get the money?

Fairies withdraw money from a hidden bank where all the money is safe. We get that money from donations grown-ups make to thank us for all of our work. We are grateful to all of the generous grown-ups in the world who allow us to give money to wonderful children like you.

What do you look like?

I have never seen a reflection of myself, so I am not sure what I look like. I can tell you that my ears are pointier on top than yours. I would love to see more pictures of what you think I look like.

I enjoyed responding to your questions, and I hope you liked reading my answers. Thank you for your lateral incisor. I feel stronger, already.

Remember to brush your teeth and floss with care. Looks like you are doing a good job, but you must do even better with your adult teeth. I know you can do it!!

All my love, 

The Tooth Fairy

 

When Gabriella read the letter that the tooth fairy left for Levi, all she could say was, “She eats teeth?!? That’s weird. And kind of gross.”

“Well, it’s no more gruesome than the kinds of things you read in Grimms’ fairy tales. I think it makes it more realistic. And thanks so much for acknowledging the great deal of thought that the tooth fairy put into her letter, bee-atch.”

“Sorry, Honey. It’s a great note. I just never thought that the tooth fairy was a tooth-eater. She sounds more Jack and the Beanstalk giant than fairy.”

“True. And she neglected to add that if the teeth aren’t filling enough, she flies into parents’ rooms and gnaws on funky looking toes–funky toes because she figures they’re already so misshapen and gnarly that no one would be the wiser. She probably didn’t want to alarm anyone. You might want to consider sleeping with your socks on.”

Levi loved his note. He especially liked the fact that the tooth fairy appreciated his nutritious teeth. But mostly he was impressed that she could tell that he flosses. He’s very proud of his flossing, and there’s nothing like a little positive reinforcement – especially when it comes from magical places.

12 comments

    • Deborah   •     Author

      Tragic?? I feel a back story coming on. A tooth fairy prequel! You’re a genius, Kim!!

  1. Vikki   •  

    1. The tooth fairy never left our kids letters! Punk ass tooth fairy!
    2. About the eating of the teeth: My first reaction was “EW!” And then “Hmmm…that makes sense…”

    • Deborah   •     Author

      I don’t think the tooth fairy likes to spend too much time in Minneapolis. Just a hunch. Why don’t you let me know the next time one of them loses a tooth, and I’ll see about getting the tooth fairy to send a postcard. You’ll have to explain the Jersey postmark, though.

  2. Marian   •  

    Hilarious! While I am with Gabriella being a little grossed out by eating children’s teeth, this is poignant, funny, sweet and awesome!!!! Thanks for sharing. Miss you guys. Can I come visit the land of fairies soon??

    • Deborah   •     Author

      Please come visit the land of the fairies!! We miss you!

  3. Our tooth fairy is the most reliable person in our lives. She is constantly sending notes to apologize for her devil-may-care attitude about picking up the teeth. Erin

    • Deborah   •     Author

      I am always impressed by the many obligations that keep the tooth fairy from collecting in a timely fashion. It’s a good thing children can appreciate the pressure she’s under! At least she knows enough to leave a note. That’s just good manners.

  4. The answer to where does the money come from? Perfect! Wish I’d had that ten years ago when Dentalina and Flossy were responding to my kids!

    • Deborah   •     Author

      Dentalina & Flossy?!? I must know more!! I will lose sleep if I’ve neglected to mention the tooth fairy’s side kicks!

  5. Renée   •  

    Wow, that is one lucky kid! What a clever idea!

    • Deborah   •     Author

      Thanks, Renée! I am not so secretly hoping that he discovers the truth before the tooth fairy has to answer too many more questions. Hard to be the tooth fairy’s ghost writer.

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