Write to marry


I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I tend not to focus on the gay part of my life. I like girls. Do I have to shout about it? I do as much as I am excessively proud of my family. But you might not call me a flag-waver. I’m more lesbo-lite. I’m a paying member of HRC. I’ve written to my government representatives about gay initiatives and issues. I’ve marched for rights in Washington. And now, as a stay-at-home mother of two small children, my focus is providing a solid, loving foundation for my boys and trying to get some sleep when I can.

Having said that, when called upon to act and oppose something fundamentally wrong, I will and I do-especially if doing so takes the shape of the written word. I’m all over it. Today all bloggers (gay, straight or otherwise) have been asked to blog in opposition to Proposition 8 in California-the ban against gay marriage. It’s WRITE TO MARRY DAY!

Our wedding was the happiest day of my life. I know people say that all the time about their own weddings, and now I know why. There’s a natural high that comes from spending time with a whole bunch of people who love you and want to celebrate your relationship. I hope everyone experiences that love-high at some point in their lives.

There were family members who didn’t attend. They were conflicted at best about it. You know what? They’re still married. Our wedding didn’t change a thing about their lives. If you don’t like it, don’t marry a gay. You have to ask why it is that some people are so opposed to gay marriage. Because it undermines the sanctity of heterosexual marriage? Can anyone give me an example of how gay marriage has undermined the sanctity of marriage? I realize civil union is only available in a handful of states, so you might have to look outside of your own to find an example. While you’re at it, you can look at the entire populations of Canada, Spain, Denmark and Holland where it is legal.

The highest rates of divorce in the world? The United States of America. As far as I can tell, the only way is up for the sanctity of marriage in the U.S., so to all those who feel irrationally threatened by gay marriage, get off your high horses because you’re bound to fall off soon. I wouldn’t look down if I were you.

But for all of you voting in California, look down–all the way down. Apparently, the proposition is way down on the ballot, so you need to “go down” on proposition 8 and VOTE NO. One day, gay marriage will be legal. I don’t care if you’re for it, conflicted about it, ambivalent about it or against it. It’s going to happen. Think of it as the slavery or interracial marriage issue of the day. And some day, the films and books and documentaries will out those who fought it. Which roles will you play in the making of this history? Please get the word out to everyone you know in California to VOTE NO on PROPOSITION 8.

6 thoughts on “Write to marry

  1. i was reading this post while listening to my wife’s mix when serendipitously the song to which we first danced to at our wedding as husband and wife came on and I was magically transported to that day, that great day, and the tears welled in my eyes. it was a special day and special dance that i will never forget because it was the culmination of the journey of our developing love for one another in the context of a new and powerful union and expression of that love.

    it is my hope that many more get to experience that “wedding first dance” regardless of their sexual orientation, skin color, height, weight, etc.

    i was on a recent trip with some colleagues from abroad when the topic of marriage came up. i was shocked to hear that they were against same sex marriage – that such union was not marriage.
    using discretion, i referred to you (and G) as an example of a same-sex marriage that is nurturing and loving. i questioned other marriages out there that are men to women who raise dysfunctional families and spend their days hating each other. is that a marriage or a bad decision? why should it matter what sex the couple is as long as 1. they have sex and 2. that they love each other and if relevant, the family they raise.

    i was unable to convince my colleagues but was proud to stand up to their 5th century thinking (does this and my story above make me an honorary gay?).
    what was really most puzzling to me was the fact that my colleagues are smart, educated individuals with worldly perspective. i cannot believe that many people today (educated ones) continue to take out their own feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness out on others who choose a different life style. isnt it worth investing that negative energy into improving one’s own life?

  2. avi. dear avi. where to begin? first of all, you are absolutely an honorary gay though not for your support of gay marriage. an honorary gay is someone who makes the guest list for an all-gay party. someone who is flattered if someone of the same gender flirts with you. someone who gets all the in-jokes. and someone loved by gays. we love you very much.

    as far as your educated, cultured friends, i’m actually not surprised at all. there were plenty of books written once-upon-a-time that “proved” that blacks were physically and mentally inferior to whites. and there are people who still believe that to be true-though luckily not so many and they tend to keep their foolish notions to themselves. we look back and we’re embarrassed and shamed that scientists and government and religious institutions bought into all that crap. and so it is for the gays now. rest assured, times are changing.

    in the meantime, we hold dear our friends and family who love us and support us. thank you so much for your beautifully written, thoughtful comment. i am touched. …and i’d like to be touched more often!! sorry. i couldn’t resist.

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